Blah...

I have been at a loss for words for a while. Between getting ready to move, my husband coming home for R&R and the everyday things that go on, i'm all crazy. I'm up to my ears in family issues. I never get to speak with my husband anymore because of things going on in Afghanistan and money is tight. Yet surprisingly i'm getting through it all, i'm staying tough and i'm dealing. Well i hope tomorrow i have more to say. and I will definitely be posting more.

God Bless and stay Hooah!

Rest and Recuperation

It's coming up so fast and I have to say I am excited and nervous all at once. I've been getting ready for him to come home. I've been getting my nails done, hair done, some new clothes, saving money; the whole works. I just want everything to be as close to perfect as possible. I know that it wont be, but I am determined to try. However i'm nervous because before deployment things were really rocky for my husband and I, and although they have gotten better we have not been around each other. All the improvements we made in our marriage have been during this deployment. So I am so really nervous, I just want everything to be ok.

But anyway, My husband is coming in June and we are planning on going to San Diego and staying at this wonderful hotel called the Se Hotel. I'm going show him around my city because I used to live there. Then we are off to Disney Land. That will be very exciting, it's been so long since I have been and i'm pretty sure that he has never been. After Disney Land we're going to continue to make our way down California to Templeton/San Luis Obispo area to visit some of my family. After that our finally stop in Cali is Sacramento. He has some friends there and My parents live there. So this should be interesting. My parents have seen my husband since we dated in high school like 2 years ago (we broke up then got back together and married) and the rest of my family has never even met him.

After all of that is done we are hoping to fly to Texas to his family, but we are not sure if we'll have enough money. Boy is his mother pissed about that. But we can only do so much and I don't want to be rude to anyone, but he is mine over R&R.

I really hope all of this goes well. I really want this to be a relaxing stress free time for him, he deserves it.

God Bless and stay Hooah!

Building A Strong Marriage In The Military

I picked up this pamphlet card from the base and I decided that it was worth talking about. I think the information on it is good for any couple, military or not. so this is what it said and what I got from it:

Point one-Marriage is work!: Read books on self-help and relationship skills. Attend a marriage retreat. Ask if your family center offers marriage enrichment workshops.

Well of course marriage is work, it does not come on a silver platter. No marriage is perfect and it doesn't matter how long two people have been married there is always something that can be improved. Marriage retreats are a great idea. This is the one thing that I would suggest any Military couple to do. It gives you not only an opportunity to get away from all the everyday military stuff, but it always allows you to go to "marriage building" type classes. Just remember marriage is always work, but the more you work at it the less it becomes something you need to work on and instead it becomes something you love to build together.

Point two-Find Time For Each other: Make a "date" once a month. Get a babysitter if needed, or create a co-op arrangement with friends (you watch their children one night, they watch yours the next).

This is the best idea ever, if you weren't thinking it already. My husband and I have these multiple times a week. We don't have any children so it is a little easier for us, but non the less needed. We have movie nights, where we cuddle in front of the tv with pizza and soda and watch movies all night. Every couple should do something like this, especially military. With everything going on in our lives we need a little time to just relax and do something fun with our husbands, not to mention it is great bonding time. Although it's great to hang out with other people and go to parties with friends together, time alone will really bring you guys closer together. Seriously ladies make an effort to make date nights with your husbands, because those will be the times you look back on down the road and during deployments.

Point three-Separate work from home: While in the field, strength is often found in power and might... at home, strength is often found in gentleness and sensitivity.

Military men are by nature tough and rough guys, this is what they do for a living. With that said sometimes it can be hard for them to separate their work lives from their home lives. This is especially true for husbands returning from deployment. I couldn't imagine how hard that transition must be for them. Which is why being patient and understanding is so important from both ends. We must understand that our husband's jobs are some of, if not the most demanding jobs in the world. However husband's also have to realize that our job as wives is demanding to, just in a different way. In a marriage every job and position is important, no one is more or less. Just remember to listen as well as talk, be patient and understanding.

Point Four-Communicate: Set "appointments" with each other to talk about challenges in the marriage. By meeting outside the "heat of the moment," you'll both stay calm, less defensive and be able to work out most anything.

Communication is the most important part of any marriage, but especially a military marriage. Divorce rates have been on the rise over the years. In 2008 the divorce rate for Army couples was 3.5 percent, Marines 3.7 percent (http://newsblaze.com/story/2009071900190200017.tf/topstory.html) and these numbers are only going up. My husband has only been deployed for 4 months and within the first two there had already been 4 divorces. I wonder how many of those divorces could have been avoided had couples just been honest with each other and talked. How can any marriage survive without communication? My husband and I had so many problems in the beginning of our marriage even the beginning of this deployment because we were not honest with each other. The moment we started being completely honest with each other, with the good and the bad our relationship improved dramatically and we are so much happier. If you are having problems in your marriage, sit down and talk. Try to figure out what can be done differently. Do not be afraid to to be honest because ask yourself; at the end of the day would you rather take a chance at fixing your marriage and having it be wonderful or would you rather just watch it fall apart and never work out?

Point Five-Don't Compare: Never compare your spouse (or your marriage) to someone else's. Every relationship and person is unique, with their own positives and negatives.

I find that a lot of Army wives do this, even myself from time to time. My sister and her husband lived with us before deployment and since then my sister and I have been roommates until the boys return. Well it is no secret that my husband and I have our share of problems and when you live with people so closely problems with your marriage tend to be more publicized. Honestly used to find myself comparing my marriage to my sister's. I would compare the amount of fights my husband and I had compared to the amount they had. I used to compare how cute my husband and I were together to how cute they were. I think the picture is becoming clear, basically I would compare our marriage to theirs. honestly I think we all do it, we all say things about our marriages and then someone else says something about theirs or we talk about or problems to each other and some one says, "I'd never put up with that" or something to that effect. Then it seems to become a little competition to see who's marriage is better or happier. Well every marriage has it's problems, grant it some have more than others, but that does not mean that their marriage is worse. Every marriage is at a different point, but when we begin to compare our marriage to other's we begin to lose sight of our own marriage. We create more problems for ourselves than we fix. No marriage is better or worse, they just are what they are.

Point six-Respect Privacy: Don't involve friends or family in your personal disputes. if you need help, find a professional through your family center and seek counseling.

I myself am completely guilty of doing this. When my husband and I fight I always run to my family (see above to see part of the result of doing this). It always seems to have a negative result. Now I am not saying never seek advice or a good venting to people close to you, but be careful what it is said, how it is said and how often. For me it is every time and now because of that the people I vent to have a somewhat negative view of my husband. The problem with that is one they are only getting my side of things and two they are only hearing the bad, remember it takes two positives to make up for a negative. Not to mention it is really non of their business. I do not mean that in a mean sense, but it is true. What goes on between you an your husband is your business and yours alone. If you decided to seek counseling that is wonderful, it can be very beneficial. Just remember if you use friends or family to vent to or seek advice their could be a bias (reason being I don't go to my mother).

Point seven-Respect Differences: Married persons are still individuals, with unique interests and ideas. Respect your partner's need for time alone or with friends.

Even married people need to be individuals. Sometimes we need to by ourselves or spend time with our own friends, just because you are married doesn't mean you have to do everything together. Now if you so choose to, like my husband and I have that is fine to. However we still have our hobbies and different interests. We understand that if one of us just needs to get out with the guys or gals that is fine too. Just do not try to smother your husband. There is nothing wrong with having separate (appropriate) lives outside of each other. Find a hobby or have a girls night out, It's ok and it's good for you.

Point eight-Be Kind: As with all relationships, kindness, support, compassion, affection, forgiveness and love go a long way. Treat your spouse as you would a very best friend.

Relationships are built off of these premises. My husband is my best friend in the whole world, our husbands should be our best friends. We should also support our husbands in a kind and compassionate way. We should always forgive because we all make mistakes. Affection is always a great way to show how much you love your husband. From these comes love, When we do these things for our husbands and our husbands do this for us there are no limits to where your love and relationship can go. Let these be the foundation for you marriage and an abundance of love will result.

These are all only suggestions, but I have been trying to incorporate these into my own marriage and thus far it has been very beneficial. Of course my marriage is not perfect, in fact my husband and I just got into an argument yesterday, but no marriage is perfect. Remember marriage is work, but with compassion, understanding, honesty, respect and the rest of the above mentioned your marriage can be as great as you want it to be. Your marriage is yours and yours alone and you should cherish it with every breathe. We are truly blessed women, us Military Wives.

God Bless.

Building Bridges

Some could say that being an Army Wife defines me. Before the Army Life I was just another civilian girl trying to find my purpose. And even though I am technically still a civilian, I am so much more. I am an Army wife.

With this being said My sister and I are trying to build bridges to other Army Wives out there. And to do that we have created a website and of course a facebook for all Army wives out there and of course any other Military Wives. Our name is "Diamonds and Dogtags". Our mission: To bring Military Wives together and give them information, support, education and anything else a Military wife could need.

Our official website: http://diamondsanddogtags.webs.com/

There is a link on the site to our facebook as well.

To all Army/Military Wives out there be strong and remember your Rank may be silent, but your hearts and devotions to your husbands are not.

God Bless.

The IM! And Conversations during Deployment

I got an instant message (IM) finally from my husband. It was so nice to talk to him. I had been waiting all day for him to contact me because of course I love talking to him.

You know people wonder why my husband and I talk about the things we do when we are on the phone or IM. For instances we talk about what we will do with the money we have saved up when deployment is over, or whether we'll sell the car and get a new one or trade it in. We discuss what kind of furniture we want. What accounts the money is currently going into and how it is being spent. I tell him the bad stuff that goes on too. If the pattern isn't clear, we talk about things that any couple military or civilian would talk about state side. For some reason people find this weird. Well for the life of me I don't understand that.

It makes sense to me that we would talk about things like this. Not only does it give my husband and I a sense of normalcy, but it also helps us emotional deal with the fact that we are 890274982 billion odd miles away. Honestly just because he is gone doesn't mean he isn't needed in the running of our household. Now of course I am in charge of pretty much everything because he is gone, but I still want his opinion. I suppose every other Army Wife would feel the same.

I guess a lot of civilians feel differently... They make it seem as if because he is gone that we should only talk about how much we miss each other and how sad we are because we are apart. Well how many phone calls can a person really have talking about only that? And is that really making anything better for our husbands or are we just putting unneeded worry on their minds?

Civilians feel as if we should shelter our husbands from every bad thing happening in our lives state side. Frankly I feel that is a little ridiculous. I mean sure do not bother with small stuff that will just add unneeded stress, but life does not stop when our husbands are deployed and our marriages sure the hell don’t stop. Honestly it comes down to the fact that our jobs as wives is to pick up the slack of our husbands while they are away, not to replace them and cut them out. We need to bring some kind of normalcy (I mean normal for the army) into their lives while they are deployed.

Now I could be wrong. First i'm sure not all civilians think this way. Second I could be wrong about how to go about this. However it seems to me that this way of doing things is not only beneficial to our husbands, but to ourselves as Army Wives. For me I know it helps me to feel closer to my Husband. It makes me feel like even though he's gone he is still a part of my life.

Deployment is hard enough with them being gone and everything seeming so chaotic. So why not try keep things as normal as possible? Like I have said many times, "Deployment is what you make it". Use this time to not only make the deployment a little easier on you and your husband, but also to strengthen your bond because if you can keep your marriage going as smoothly and "normal" as possible during deployment, think about what it will be like when he comes home. Think about how much better that adjustment period will be when he comes home if there are only a few things you need to tweak when you’re actually face to face. Just think about it. Maybe this way of dealing with deployment won’t work for you, but if you never try it, then you'll never know. Talk to your husband about it. Ask him how he wants things to be between you two during deployment and ask yourself.

Take Care and God Bless.

Waiting....

I have to say the hardest part about deployment for me is waiting. Waiting by my phone all day and night for a phone call. Waiting to hear if their return date has changed. Waiting for my husband to come home. But as all Army Wives know the Army's motto is, "Hurry up and wait". And as much as I hate waiting I have become accustomed to it. I have learned to use it to my advantage.

Meaning:

Instead of sitting around the house and crying, feeling sorry for myself and eating tubs of ice cream gaining 100 pounds; I am using this time to better myself and preparing for my husbands return. I am working on getting a new wardrobe, something a little more sophisticated than my high school clothing choice. I am trying to lose the weight that I have gained since I got married. I'm saving money that otherwise would have been spent by my husband on stupid things. Now instead of living pay check to pay check. I have a budget, money in savings, all the bills payed, plus extra money to spend. Now of course with deployment we are getting more money, but at least with this I will be able to better budget when the extra is gone. I'm even working on my marriage.

Now for people that know me it was no secret that my husband and I were having a lot of problems, but I have to say that this deployment saved our marriage. It has given us a chance to see what we really have. It has giving us a chance to learn to be adults so that we no longer play childish games. Because before this deployment we didn't have a real marriage. We got married at 18 and although we both loved each other we both were so young and a bit immature. But This deployment gave us a second chance. And for that I am thankful.

Ladies it comes down to this:

Deployment is not the end of the world. It is what you make it. of course it will never be easy and it will never be the greatest situation, but it does not have to be a tragedy. It can be a learning experience. It can save your marriage. But it is only what you make it. Army Wives are strong. They are survivors. and thats what deployment is about. We are not doing better without our husbands, we are surviving to the best of our ability.

Well until next time. Be well and for those surviving deployment stay strong and think about if you are making the best of your deployment.

God bless.

Moving

Well we are on the move again, back to Fort Drum. We want to beat the winter weather for next year. And figured that it would be less chaotic for the boys if we just set everything up before the return home from deployment. Get our houses all set up and what not. I want Ryan to come back to a home. Not to what he left....A hotel room and chaos. Ugh that was horrible. The snow and trying to move everything in one night. It was just miserable. i do not want the boys to have to go through that again.

But moving back in August is perfect. I can live in my sister's house that she is getting when we get there and look for a nice place for Ryan and I to live. We can get everything unpacked and get rid of the storage. This is going to save me so much money. Which is good for Ryan and I because well we need all new furniture.....well actually we need all new everything. and we want to have a baby. So the more money we save the better. and with the plan we have set up will save a bunch. and i'll be happy to help my sister get settled in for when her husband comes home.

This is over just a great thing for everyone. And as much as I hate NY, i'm happy yo be going back.