Rest and Recuperation

It's coming up so fast and I have to say I am excited and nervous all at once. I've been getting ready for him to come home. I've been getting my nails done, hair done, some new clothes, saving money; the whole works. I just want everything to be as close to perfect as possible. I know that it wont be, but I am determined to try. However i'm nervous because before deployment things were really rocky for my husband and I, and although they have gotten better we have not been around each other. All the improvements we made in our marriage have been during this deployment. So I am so really nervous, I just want everything to be ok.

But anyway, My husband is coming in June and we are planning on going to San Diego and staying at this wonderful hotel called the Se Hotel. I'm going show him around my city because I used to live there. Then we are off to Disney Land. That will be very exciting, it's been so long since I have been and i'm pretty sure that he has never been. After Disney Land we're going to continue to make our way down California to Templeton/San Luis Obispo area to visit some of my family. After that our finally stop in Cali is Sacramento. He has some friends there and My parents live there. So this should be interesting. My parents have seen my husband since we dated in high school like 2 years ago (we broke up then got back together and married) and the rest of my family has never even met him.

After all of that is done we are hoping to fly to Texas to his family, but we are not sure if we'll have enough money. Boy is his mother pissed about that. But we can only do so much and I don't want to be rude to anyone, but he is mine over R&R.

I really hope all of this goes well. I really want this to be a relaxing stress free time for him, he deserves it.

God Bless and stay Hooah!

The IM! And Conversations during Deployment

I got an instant message (IM) finally from my husband. It was so nice to talk to him. I had been waiting all day for him to contact me because of course I love talking to him.

You know people wonder why my husband and I talk about the things we do when we are on the phone or IM. For instances we talk about what we will do with the money we have saved up when deployment is over, or whether we'll sell the car and get a new one or trade it in. We discuss what kind of furniture we want. What accounts the money is currently going into and how it is being spent. I tell him the bad stuff that goes on too. If the pattern isn't clear, we talk about things that any couple military or civilian would talk about state side. For some reason people find this weird. Well for the life of me I don't understand that.

It makes sense to me that we would talk about things like this. Not only does it give my husband and I a sense of normalcy, but it also helps us emotional deal with the fact that we are 890274982 billion odd miles away. Honestly just because he is gone doesn't mean he isn't needed in the running of our household. Now of course I am in charge of pretty much everything because he is gone, but I still want his opinion. I suppose every other Army Wife would feel the same.

I guess a lot of civilians feel differently... They make it seem as if because he is gone that we should only talk about how much we miss each other and how sad we are because we are apart. Well how many phone calls can a person really have talking about only that? And is that really making anything better for our husbands or are we just putting unneeded worry on their minds?

Civilians feel as if we should shelter our husbands from every bad thing happening in our lives state side. Frankly I feel that is a little ridiculous. I mean sure do not bother with small stuff that will just add unneeded stress, but life does not stop when our husbands are deployed and our marriages sure the hell don’t stop. Honestly it comes down to the fact that our jobs as wives is to pick up the slack of our husbands while they are away, not to replace them and cut them out. We need to bring some kind of normalcy (I mean normal for the army) into their lives while they are deployed.

Now I could be wrong. First i'm sure not all civilians think this way. Second I could be wrong about how to go about this. However it seems to me that this way of doing things is not only beneficial to our husbands, but to ourselves as Army Wives. For me I know it helps me to feel closer to my Husband. It makes me feel like even though he's gone he is still a part of my life.

Deployment is hard enough with them being gone and everything seeming so chaotic. So why not try keep things as normal as possible? Like I have said many times, "Deployment is what you make it". Use this time to not only make the deployment a little easier on you and your husband, but also to strengthen your bond because if you can keep your marriage going as smoothly and "normal" as possible during deployment, think about what it will be like when he comes home. Think about how much better that adjustment period will be when he comes home if there are only a few things you need to tweak when you’re actually face to face. Just think about it. Maybe this way of dealing with deployment won’t work for you, but if you never try it, then you'll never know. Talk to your husband about it. Ask him how he wants things to be between you two during deployment and ask yourself.

Take Care and God Bless.

Waiting....

I have to say the hardest part about deployment for me is waiting. Waiting by my phone all day and night for a phone call. Waiting to hear if their return date has changed. Waiting for my husband to come home. But as all Army Wives know the Army's motto is, "Hurry up and wait". And as much as I hate waiting I have become accustomed to it. I have learned to use it to my advantage.

Meaning:

Instead of sitting around the house and crying, feeling sorry for myself and eating tubs of ice cream gaining 100 pounds; I am using this time to better myself and preparing for my husbands return. I am working on getting a new wardrobe, something a little more sophisticated than my high school clothing choice. I am trying to lose the weight that I have gained since I got married. I'm saving money that otherwise would have been spent by my husband on stupid things. Now instead of living pay check to pay check. I have a budget, money in savings, all the bills payed, plus extra money to spend. Now of course with deployment we are getting more money, but at least with this I will be able to better budget when the extra is gone. I'm even working on my marriage.

Now for people that know me it was no secret that my husband and I were having a lot of problems, but I have to say that this deployment saved our marriage. It has given us a chance to see what we really have. It has giving us a chance to learn to be adults so that we no longer play childish games. Because before this deployment we didn't have a real marriage. We got married at 18 and although we both loved each other we both were so young and a bit immature. But This deployment gave us a second chance. And for that I am thankful.

Ladies it comes down to this:

Deployment is not the end of the world. It is what you make it. of course it will never be easy and it will never be the greatest situation, but it does not have to be a tragedy. It can be a learning experience. It can save your marriage. But it is only what you make it. Army Wives are strong. They are survivors. and thats what deployment is about. We are not doing better without our husbands, we are surviving to the best of our ability.

Well until next time. Be well and for those surviving deployment stay strong and think about if you are making the best of your deployment.

God bless.